As families who have adopted children from China, many of us are eagerly anticipating the Summer Olympic Games to be held in Beijing this summer a time to showcase the country of our children's birth. However, along with the positives, we must also be conscious of the negatives.  I am writing now because on Wednesday, April 9, the Olympic Torch will be in San Francisco, its only North American stop.  The San Francisco Board of Supervisors passed a resolution in an 8-3 vote stating that the torch will be greeted with alarm and protest.  The torch has already been greeted with major protests in Europe; more are anticipated here in California and other torch relay cities. This week there have been front page photos relating to the torch relay protests under the masthead of the Los Angeles Times. Some leaders from America and Europe are calling for a boycott of the Opening Ceremonies.

No matter what our personal views about China's policies are, as
parents, we want to be mindful of what our children are exposed to and how  in our own commentary, in the broadcast media (television, the car radio news), on the internet (such as the news home page for your internet service), in print or even standing in line at the movies or the market.  How will they perceive the words, pictures, images and mood?  People are mad at China.  Is China a bad country that does bad things?  I'm from China. What does that mean?  Let's help provide them with balance and understanding.

While my husband and I can somewhat control what goes on in our
household and provide filters for our kids, we can't control what happens at school or elsewhere.  We don't know what will be on the front page of the newspaper or on the cover of magazines in the grocery store check out stand. We also don't know if another child will repeat negative comments overheard from his or her parents or television (or the internet).  We probably won't know if the subject of China's human rights policies and the torch protests will come up during a middle school class discussion.

As we do with other adoption and race-related issues, rather than
letting our children fend (and interpret) for themselves without guidance and support, we are preparing our children for what may come about, providing them with context and taking advantage of these teachable moments to help them navigate in the world.

Last evening, on our drive home from Chinese dance rehearsal, my girls
and I chatted about the upcoming Diversity Day at my oldest daughter's middle school. We discussed the different types of diversity (race, religion, culture, etc.).  We also talked about the diversity of opinions and loyalties (e.g., UCLA v. USC), which became our launching point into a discussion about the Olympic Games, the torch relay, the protests and the freedom of expression in democratic countries such as the United States and Great Britain. This discussion also included her second grade sister.

Focusing on what my second grader could comprehend, we talked about
how some individuals and groups strongly disagree with some of the Chinese government's policies and actions. I explained that there will probably be many Americans who will be expressing those opinions when the torch stops in California. They may wave signs or just yell out their objections. They may say what sound like very mean things about China.

Our discussion continued at home. My husband and I talked openly so
that our daughters would understand that even though they were born in China and are of Chinese heritage, the protests are not directed toward them
personally or even to all Chinese people.  For the most part, the protests are
directed toward the Chinese government, who make the rules and policies. Our children are not responsible for the actions of the Chinese government. Just because they are of Chinese heritage, our children do not need to agree with the government's decisions, they do not need to defend them or apologize for them. (Just as all Americans don't have to agree with, defend or apologize for the actions of our own government, such as involvement
in the Iraq War, and just as my own father explained to me that I, as a little Japanese American girl, did not have to feel responsible for Pearl Harbor.)
After learning more about what the Chinese government has been doing, we
explained that they have the right to make their own decisions and form their own opinions about what they believe is right and wrong. (We'll talk more
about the specifics of the protest with our older daughter at another point.)

It was also helpful to show that protests are a fairly common part of the
Olympic Games (and I presented a newspaper story to back me up). This isn't just about China. The Olympics provide an international stage with worldwide media coverage. Those who feel very strongly about their positions want to take advantage of the opportunity to share their opinions with the world and try to effect change.  The United States has protested the policies of other countries and even refused to participate in the Olympic Games held in the former Soviet Union.  Other countries protested and boycotted when the Olympics were held in the United States. (My oldest, a former gymnast, could remember reading about how the boycotts affected the gymnastics competitions.)

We also talked about other protests in history, such as the civil rights
marches and "save the whales" campaigns.  What if the Olympics were being held in the United States this year? Would other countries protest and be angry with Americans? (Most likely yes.)

We discussed where and when the subject of China's policies and people may
come up, what might happen and what they could do, especially if their feelings get hurt. I noted that when a country is in the negative spotlight, and
when leaders begin to criticize a country (and by extension its people), those
here at home may be more likely to rely on stereotypes and to engage in hurtful, sometimes even dangerous behavior.  It somehow seems more acceptable when it is part of the every day conversation. That is when the teasing or name-calling might start. I shared my own childhood and young adult encounters with prejudice with them.

I should note that our evenings aren't usually this serious, the day before we were watching the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie! We were only able to jump into and out of this conversation with relative ease because we have
an ongoing dialog in our house about issues of race, adoption, stereotypes and
self-empowerment.

The torch will come and go, but the Olympic coverage will continue. We
will need to continue monitoring what is presented and continue the dialog. Specifically, who knows if or how the media will portray China adoption during the Games, which we will be watching together as a family. (The Seoul
Olympics and the often negative portrayal of the South Korean adoption program may be instructive and we should continue to monitor and prepare.)

A familiar refrain in our home is that "we are all in this together"
(thank you High School Musical), and indeed we are.  Lastly, my girls and I discussed how the Olympic media coverage of China and Chinese people (both positive and negative) is an issue not just for adoptive families, but for all people of Chinese descent and our diverse friends around the world. I also explained that I will be meeting with others in the Chinese American community (such as the Organization of Chinese Americans) so
that we can all work together to make the Beijing Olympics a positive
experience for everyone, while also respecting the rights of individuals to
express their views.

Above all, we wanted to remind our children that the negative comments
about China are not a reflection on them individually and that we are here to help them understand what is going on and to listen. They also know well that
they can rely on their lifelong FCC friends and China sisters.  We are looking forward to an exciting 2008 Olympics and, undoubtedly, many more teachable moments!

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