Adoption Voices

Adoptee-Initiated Search

Below is a brief outline of the steps in the search process during the Visit Haiti Tour.  Sometimes the steps go smoothly and sometimes they do not.  We ask for your patience and understanding as the search process can be very slow. 

The time is unpredictable and slow for a number of reasons.  The Foundation for the Children of Haiti (FCH) in Haiti receives a high volume of search requests not only from Dillon International, but also from several other placing agencies in other countries.  Each search involves a significant amount of time reviewing the file, translating, and contacting different people to try to get information.   Additionally, phones don’t always work, addresses are vague and people move.  For this reason, it can take a great deal of leg work to find people.

Once an adoptee initiates a search, he/she is welcome to check with Dillon International anytime to check on the status of their search.  We will check with FCH periodically for updates.  Please remember that if you, the adoptee, are uncomfortable in moving forward, the process can be put on hold at any time.  The fees for each step are located in the next section.

  Initial search inquiry

Adoptee or adoptive family who is going on the next Visit Haiti Tour contacts Dillon International and expresses an interest in starting a search.  The reasons for initiating a search can vary greatly.  Sometimes adoptees wish to locate birth parents.  Sometimes he/she wishes to find out additional medical information.  At different points in their life, each person will have different desires surrounding their birth story and information.  A post-adoption social worker will discuss with the adoptee about their desire to start a search and the hopes surrounding their desire. Dillon International encourages adoptees, who live within a 60-mile radius of the Tulsa office, to visit our office at this step in the process for an initial session to explain the process.

  Search packet to adoptee or downloaded by adoptee or adoptive family

After the initial inquiry, Dillon International will send the adoptee a packet of information to get him/her started.  This packet will include an overview of the steps in the process as well as documents that need to be completed to start the search process. Download a search packet.

  Initial search forms returned to Dillon International

Adoptee returns the completed search forms to Dillon International.  Dillon International contacts FCH on the adoptee’s behalf for initial review of his/her adoption file.  You will be required to provide a copy of all the documents received during the adoption process.  (In French and English.)

  FCH reviews the file

FCH will let Dillon International know any additional information in the file that was not disclosed in the original adoption papers to the adoptive family.  They will also let Dillon International know the likelihood of being able to locate the birth family and if there is any contact information for the birth family.  Dillon International will forward this information to the adoptee in written form. 

  Decision to move forward 

After receiving this initial information, the adoptee contacts Dillon International regarding their desire to move forward or not move forward with the search.  If an adoptee desires to move forward, Dillon International will contact FCH with the adoptee's request.  FCH will then attempt to further locate the birth family and will let Dillon International know of their results. 

  Birth family communication

If the birth family is located by FCH, Dillon International will let the adoptee know and discuss the options open to the adoptee.  An adoptee may request to meet with his/her birth family during the tour.  If the adoptee is not ready for a meeting, we will ask them to submit a letter which will be sent to the birth family.  Any on-going communication with the birth family will be through Dillon International and FCH as intermediaries.  

  No location of birth family

We are sorry to say that often the birth family is unable to be located because of the lack of identifying information  or lack of current contact information (may have moved and difficult to track down).  If FCH is unable to locate the birth family, the adoptee has the option of advertising in a Haitian paper.  Dillon International will send the adoptee the necessary release and forms for advertisement. 

  Advertisement attempt

After receiving the release and advertising forms, Dillon International will forward the information to FCH.  FCH will use the information to submit to the newspaper office.  If the birth family contacts FCH through this means, then  communication with the adoptee may begin through the two agencies.

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Fees

Due to the time each search request takes, it has become necessary to establish guidelines for service fees.  Dillon International and FCH make every effort to keep the fees reasonable.  A portion of the fees are forwarded on to the Foundation for the Children of Haiti and a portion is retained by our office for processing costs.  If unable to pay the fees for any reason, please contact Dillon International about sliding scale fees and scholarship applications. 

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Frequently Asked Questions

1.     When can I start a search for my birth parents?

There is no minimum age requirement for starting a search for Haiti with the adoptive parents' permission.  Families are encouraged to consider their child’s emotional readiness before initiating any level of search.  After age 18, an adoptee can initiate a search for his/her birth parents without the adoptive parents' permission. 

2.     Can I contact the Foundation for the Children of Haiti (FCH) directly to start my search?

FCH requests that all adoption searches be made through the agency in the US who is leading the tour.  Dillon International will work directly with FCH to facilitate the search process. 

3.     Can I look at my adoption file at Dillon International?

Dillon International would be happy to share copies of your referral papers we received.  Other information in the file such as your adoptive parents' application, home study, or other application documents are the confidential information of the adoptive parents.   Dillon International will share these items with you if you provide a signed release from the adoptive parents. 

4.     What if I was not adopted through Dillon International?  Can you still help me with my birth search?

If you are participating in the next Visit Haiti Tour with our agency and you were placed through the Foundation for the Children of Haiti, we should be able to facilitate your search request.  We may ask that you sign a release document to allow us to contact your U.S. placing agency during the search process.  If you were adopted through another agency in Haiti, we can try to contact that agency on your behalf, but we cannot guarantee that they will be able to work with us in facilitating your request(s).

5.     I’m scared that my birth family will not want to meet me.  Should I start a search?

The decision to start a birth parent search is a difficult one.  There is a possibility that the birth family will not be willing to meet you.  At other times, they are overjoyed to meet you.  Sometimes it takes time for the relationship to develop.  Dillon International recommends that you be prepared for the possibility that the birth parents may not be at a place in their lives where they are able to respond to your wish for contact. 

6.     What if I start my search but then decide I’m not ready to move forward?

At any time in the search process if you are uncomfortable moving forward, you can put the process on hold.  Dillon International wishes for you to be open about your true feelings about moving forward.   Dillon International will support your decision about this matter. 

7.     I just want background medical/genetic information, but am not interested in meeting my birth family.  Can I still do a search?

Dillon International will be happy to contact FCH to do an initial review of the adoption file to see if there is any additional background information.  However, once a decision to locate the birth family to find out more information is made, it is very likely that the birth family may want to have contact with you if they are found.  We recommend that adoptees wanting to take the next step to find out more information be also willing to have that contact with their birth family. 

8.     Will you share my search update information with my adoptive parents?

If you are under age 18, all information related to the search will be shared with the adoptee and the adoptive parent.  If you are over age 18, Dillon International will only share information regarding the search with you directly.  You can then make the decision about sharing the information with your adoptive parents. 

9.     My adoptive parents get very sensitive and emotional when I talk about my birth search.  Can you help me with that?

Some adoptive parents have fears when adoptees talk about starting a birth parent search.  They may fear that their child will no longer love them or will want to start a new life with their birth family.  Sometimes they may have insecurities about their role as your parents.  Dillon International will be happy to meet with adoptive parents together or without their son/daughter to discuss these feelings and work through them.  Dillon International recommends that adoptees share their birth search with their adoptive parents.  However, all information is kept confidential if you are over age 18 so the decision to share about your search and the timing will be entirely up to you.

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Resources

Websites:

• ·        Articles -
  10 Questions to Ask Yourself by Hollee McGinnis
  Searching for Birth Relatives:  A Fact Sheet for Families

• ·        Adoption Organizations -
  National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
  Dillon International, Inc. (also offers an adult adoptee forum on website)
  Foundation for the Children of Haiti  (sister agency in Korea)

• ·        Haitian Newspapers and Magazines -
  Haitian Times in New York

• ·        Cultural Items -
  Discover Haiti
  Haiti.org

Highlighted websites are highly recommended

Books:

Did My First Mother Love Me?  A Story for an Adopted Child, by Kathryn Ann Miller
Addressing one of a child’s toughest questions to ask and an adoptive parent to answer, this book explains why a birth mother makes an adoption plan. 

The Adoption Triangle, by Sorosky 
A classic that delves into the major issues in adoption from all sides of the adoption triad. 

Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, by Betty Jean Lifton 
This book outlines the internal and external journey an adoptee takes in the search and reunion process.

Birth bond: Reunions Between Birth Parents and Adoptees—What Happens After, edited by Judith S. Gediman and Joan S. Dunphy, and Linda P. Brown, contributor 
A strong look at reunions and searches from the birth mother’s perspective. 

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schechter, contributor and Robin Marantz Henig 
Recent studies have shown that being adopted can affect many aspects of adoptee’s lives, from relationships with adoptive parents to bonds with their own children.  Using their combined total of 55 years of experience in clinical and research work with adoptees and their families, the authors use the voices of adoptees themselves to trace how adoptions is experienced over a lifetime. 

Who is My Mother, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Adoptees Talk About Living with Adoption and the Search for the Lost Family, by Clare Marcus 

Searching for a Past: The Adopted Adult’s Unique Process of Finding Identity,
by Jayne Schooler 

The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories, edited by Susan Wadia-Ellis 
Adoption has always been a woman’s issue.  With eloquence and conviction, more than 30 diverse birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees tell their adoption stories and explore what is deeply emotional, sometimes controversial, and always compelling experience that affects millions of families and individuals.

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Excerpt from Rick Warren’s Book,  THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE, pages 22-24

“I am your Creator.  You were in my care even before you were born.” -- Isaiah 44:2a (CEV) 

“God doesn’t play dice.” – Albert Einstein 

“You are not an accident.  Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature.  Your parents may not have planned you, but God did.  He was not at all surprised by your birth.  In fact, he expected it.

     Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God.  He thought of you first.  It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment.  You are alive because God wanted to create you!  The Bible says, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.”

     God prescribed every single detail of your body.  He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair, and every other feature.  He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it.  He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.  The Bible says, “You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.”

     Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death.  The Bible says, “You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.  Every day was recorded in your Book!”

     God also planned where you’d be born and where you’d live for his purpose.  Your race and nationality are no accident. God left no detail to chance.  He planned it all for his purpose.  The Bible says, “From one man he made every nation…and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”  Nothing in your life is arbitrary.  It’s all for a purpose.

     Most amazing, God decided how you would be born.  Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you.  It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent.  God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind.  They had the DNA God wanted to make you.

     While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children.  Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God.  God’s purpose took into account human error, and even sin.

     God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes a mistake.  He has a reason for everything he creates.  Every plant and every animal was planned by God, and every person was designed with a purpose in mind.  God’s motive for creating you was his love.  The Bible says, “Long before he laid down earth’s foundation, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love.”

     God was thinking of you even before he made the world.  In fact, that’s why he created it!  God designed this planet’s environment just so we could live on it.  We are the focus of his love and the most valuable of all his creation.  The Bible says, God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made.”  This is how much God loves and values you!”

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