Adoptee-Initiated Search Birth Family-Initiated Search Fees Frequently Asked Questions References Resources  Begin the Search Process Contact Search Staff Final Thoughts on Search

Adoptee-Initiated Search

Below is a brief outline of the steps in the search process if the search is initiated by an adoptee.  Sometimes the steps go smoothly and sometimes they do not.  We ask for your patience and understanding as the search process can be very slow. 

The time is unpredictable and slow for a number of reasons.  Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS) in Korea receives a high volume of search requests not only from Dillon International, but also from several other placing agencies as well.  ESWS has placed over 50,000 children and many of these children are now adults wishing to initiate a birth search.  Each search also involves a significant amount of time reviewing the file, translating, and contacting different people to try to get information.   

Once an adoptee initiates a search, he/she is welcome to check with Dillon International anytime to check on the status of their search.  We will check with ESWS periodically for updates.  Please remember that if you, the adoptee, are uncomfortable in moving forward, the process can be put on hold at any time.  The fees for each step are located in the next section. 

• Initial search inquiry

Adoptee contacts Dillon International and expresses an interest in starting a search.  The reasons for initiating a search can vary greatly.  Sometimes adoptees wish to locate birth parents.  Sometimes he/she wishes to find out additional medical information.  At different points in their life, each person will have different desires surrounding their birth story and information.  A post-adoption social worker will discuss with the adoptee about their desire to start a search and the hopes surrounding their desire. Dillon International encourages adoptees, who live within a 60-mile radius of the Tulsa office, to visit our office at this step in the process for an initial session to explain the process.

• Search packet to adoptee

After the initial inquiry, Dillon International will send the adoptee a packet of information to get him/her started.  This packet will include an overview of the steps in the process as well as documents that need to be completed to start the search process. Download a search packet.

• Initial search forms returned to Dillon International

Adoptee returns the completed search forms to Dillon International.  Dillon International contacts ESWS on the adoptee’s behalf for initial review of his/her adoption file. 

• ESWS reviews the file

ESWS will let Dillon International know any additional information in the file that was not disclosed in the original adoption papers to the adoptive family.  They will also let Dillon International know the likelihood of being able to locate the birth family and if there is any contact information for the birth family.  Dillon International will forward this information to the adoptee in written form.

• Decision to move forward 

After receiving this initial information, the adoptee contacts Dillon International regarding their desire to move forward or not move forward with the search.  If an adoptee desires to move forward, Dillon International will contact ESWS with the adoptee's request.  ESWS will then attempt to further locate the birth family and will let Dillon International know of their results. 

• Birth family communication

If the birth family is located by ESWS, Dillon International will let the adoptee know and ask the adoptee to submit a letter which will be sent to the birth family.  Any on-going communication with the birth family will be through Dillon International and ESWS as intermediaries.  At some point, the adoptee may decide to visit Korea.  ESWS can act as an intermediary during the visit to Korea. 

• No location of birth family

We are sorry to say that often the birth family is unable to be located because of the lack of identifying information about the birth family (especially for adoptees born between the early 1970’s and early 1980’s).  If ESWS is unable to locate the birth family, the adoptee has the option of advertising on ESWS’s website  in Korea.  Dillon International will send the adoptee the necessary release and forms for advertisement. 

• Advertisement attempt

After receiving the release and advertising forms, Dillon International will forward the information to ESWS.  ESWS will use the information to list the adoptee on their web site and other media outlets in hopes of finding the birth family.  If the birth family contacts ESWS through this means, then  communication with the adoptee may begin through the two agencies.

[up]

Birth Family-Initiated Search

At times a birth family is the initiator of the search process rather than the adoptee.  If this is the case, the steps in the process are as follows. Sometimes the steps go smoothly and sometimes they do not.  We ask for your patience and understanding as the search process can be very slow.  Please understand that if the adoptee is uncomfortable in moving forward, the process can be put on hold at any time.  Rest assured that ESWS and Dillon International will not share personal information about the adoptee or their adoptive family without the adoptee's permission. 

1. Birth family contacts ESWS in hopes of locating their birth child.

2. ESWS checks the adoption file to determine through which agency the child was placed.

3. ESWS will contact the placing agency.

4. Placing agency will attempt to locate the adoptive family and adoptee to communicate the birth family’s desire to contact adoptee.

5. Adoptee will make the decision on whether to communicate with the birth family. 
   All communication will be through Dillon International and ESWS.

[up]

Fees

Due to the time each search request takes, it has become necessary to establish guidelines for service fees.  Dillon International and ESWS make every effort to keep the fees reasonable.  A portion of the fees are forwarded on to Eastern Social Welfare Society and a portion is retained by our office for processing costs. If unable to pay the fees for any reason, please contact Dillon International about sliding scale fees and scholarship applications. 

* If adoptee has a medical reason for initiating the search, the initial search fee will be waived.

[up]

Frequently Asked Questions

1. When can I start a search for my birth parents?

ESWS sets the age guidelines for adoption searches.  An adoptee can start a search at age 13 with permission from the adoptive parents.  After age 18, an adoptee can initiate a search for his/her birth parents without the adoptive parents' permission.  ESWS also requires that the birth mother be at least 40 years old before ESWS will initiate a search.

We ask you to be mindful of the consideration that a single birth parent may have started a different life and may not have shared the story of her birth child with her current family. In these cases, it may be difficult for the birth mother to communicate with the adoptee. 

2. Can I contact Eastern Social Welfare Society directly to start my search?

ESWS requests that all adoption searches be made through the placing agency in the US.  Dillon International will work directly with ESWS to facilitate the search process. 

3. Can I look at my adoption file at Dillon International?

Dillon International would be happy to share copies of your referral papers we received.  Other information in the file such as your adoptive parents' application, home study, or other application documents are the confidential information of the adoptive parents.   Dillon International will share these items with you if you provide a signed release from the adoptive parents. 

4. What if I was not adopted through Dillon International?  Can you still help me with my birth search?

ESWS prefers that you work with the agency through which you were placed.  If you were placed through ESWS and another agency in the US, Dillon International will have to obtain permission from ESWS to help facilitate the search. 

5. I’m scared that my birth family will not want to meet me.  Should I start a search?

The decision to start a birth parent search is a difficult one.  There is a possibility that the birth family will not be willing to meet you.  At other times, they are overjoyed to meet you.  Sometimes it takes time for the relationship to develop.  Dillon International recommends that you be prepared for the possibility that the birth parents may not be at a place in their lives where they are able to respond to your wish for contact. 

6. What if I start my search but then decide I’m not ready to move forward?

At any time in the search process if you are uncomfortable moving forward, you can put the process on hold.  Dillon International wishes for you to be open about your true feelings about moving forward.   Dillon International will support your decision about this matter. 

7. I just want background medical/genetic information, but am not interested in meeting my birth family.  Can I still do a search?

Dillon International will be happy to contact ESWS to do an initial review of the adoption file to see if there is any additional background information.  However, once a decision to locate the birth family to find out more information is made, it is very likely that the birth family may want to have contact with you if they are found.  We recommend that adoptees wanting to take the next step to find out more information be also willing to have that contact with their birth family. 

8. Will you share my search update information with my adoptive parents?

If you are under age 18, all information related to the search will be shared with the adoptee and the adoptive parent.  If you are over age 18, Dillon International will only share information regarding the search with you directly.  You can then make the decision about sharing the information with your adoptive parents. 

9. My adoptive parents get very sensitive and emotional when I talk about my birth search.  Can you help me with that?

Some adoptive parents have fears when adoptees talk about starting a birth parent search.  They may fear that their child will no longer love them or will want to start a new life with their birth family.  Sometimes they may have insecurities about their role as your parents.  Dillon International will be happy to meet with adoptive parents together or without their son/daughter to discuss these feelings and work through them.  Dillon International recommends that adoptees share their birth search with their adoptive parents.  However, all information is kept confidential if you are over age 18 so the decision to share about your search and the timing will be entirely up to you.

[up]

References

The following individuals have participated in a search in the past.  They have agreed to speak with adoptees who are just starting the search process about their search experience. Please feel free to contact them if you are interested in talking to them.

[up]

Resources

Websites:

• Articles -
  10 Questions to Ask Yourself by Hollee McGinnis
  Searching for Birth Relatives:  A Fact Sheet for Families

• Research -
  Survey of Korean Adult Adoptees

• Adult Adoptee Organizations -
  www.alsoknownas.org
  www.akconnection.com
  Global Overseas Adoptee's Link
  Asian Adult Adoptees of Washington

• Adoption Organizations -
  National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
  Dillon International, Inc. (also offers an adult adoptee forum on website)
  Eastern Social Welfare Society (sister agency in Korea)

• Korean Newspapers and Magazines -
  The Korea Herald
  KoreAm Journal
  Korean Quarterly
  AsianWeek

• Cultural Items -
  Asia for Kids

• Korean-American Society -
  Asia Society
  Asian Connections

Highlighted websites are highly recommended

Books:
I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children, edited by Sara Dorow  List Price: (also available through Dillon International’s bookstore) $18.95

 Did My First Mother Love Me?  A Story for an Adopted Child, by Kathryn Ann Miller
Addressing one of a child’s toughest questions to ask and an adoptive parent to answer, this book explains why a birth mother makes an adoption plan. 

The Adoption Triangle, by Sorosky 
A classic that delves into the major issues in adoption from all sides of the adoption triad. 

Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience, by Betty Jean Lifton 
This book outlines the internal and external journey an adoptee takes in the search and reunion process.

Birth bond: Reunions Between Birth Parents and Adoptees—What Happens After, edited by Judith S. Gediman and Joan S. Dunphy, and Linda P. Brown, contributor 
A strong look at reunions and searches from the birth mother’s perspective. 

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, by David M. Brodzinsky, Marshall D. Schechter, contributor and Robin Marantz Henig 
Recent studies have shown that being adopted can affect many aspects of adoptee’s lives, from relationships with adoptive parents to bonds with their own children.  Using their combined total of 55 years of experience in clinical and research work with adoptees and their families, the authors use the voices adoptees themselves to trace how adoptions is experienced over a lifetime. 

Who is My Mother, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Adoptees Talk About Living with Adoption and the Search for the Lost Family, by Clare Marcus 

Searching for a Past: The Adopted Adult’s Unique Process of Finding Identity,
by Jayne Schooler 

The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories, edited by Susan Wadia-Ellis 
Adoption has always been a woman’s issue.  With eloquence and conviction, more than 30 diverse birth mothers, adoptive mothers, and adoptees tell their adoption stories and explore what is deeply emotional, sometimes controversial, and always compelling experience that affects millions of families and individuals.

[up]

Contact Search Staff

Duk Kyung Um, MSW Director of Korea Adoption Program um@dillonadopt.com	Alice Doyle, MSW Associate Director of Korea Adoption Program alice@dillonadopt.com

[up]

Final Thoughts on Search
 
Excerpt from Rick Warren’s Book,  THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE, pages 22-24

“I am your Creator.  You were in my care even before you were born.” -- Isaiah 44:2a (CEV) 

“God doesn’t play dice.” – Albert Einstein 

“You are not an accident.  Your birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature.  Your parents may not have planned you, but God did.  He was not at all surprised by your birth.  In fact, he expected it.

     Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God.  He thought of you first.  It is not fate, nor chance, nor luck, nor coincidence that you are breathing at this very moment.  You are alive because God wanted to create you!  The Bible says, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.”

     God prescribed every single detail of your body.  He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair, and every other feature.  He custom-made your body just the way he wanted it.  He also determined the natural talents you would possess and the uniqueness of your personality.  The Bible says, “You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.”

     Because God made you for a reason, he also decided when you would be born and how long you would live. He planned the days of your life in advance, choosing the exact time of your birth and death.  The Bible says, “You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.  Every day was recorded in your Book!”

     God also planned where you’d be born and where you’d live for his purpose.  Your race and nationality are no accident. God left no detail to chance.  He planned it all for his purpose.  The Bible says, “From one man he made every nation…and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”  Nothing in your life is arbitrary.  It’s all for a purpose.

     Most amazing, God decided how you would be born.  Regardless of the circumstances of your birth or who your parents are, God had a plan in creating you.  It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good, bad, or indifferent.  God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right genetic makeup to create the custom “you” he had in mind.  They had the DNA God wanted to make you.

     While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children.  Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God.  God’s purpose took into account human error, and even sin.

     God never does anything accidentally, and he never makes mistake.  He has a reason for everything he creates.  Every plant and every animal was planned by God, and every person was designed with a purpose in mind.  God’s motive for creating you was his love.  The Bible says, “Long before he laid down earth’s foundation, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love.”

     God was thinking of you even before he made the world.  In fact, that’s why he created it!  God designed this planet’s environment just so we could live on it.  We are the focus of his love and the most valuable of all his creation.  The Bible says, God decided to give us life through the word of truth so we might be the most important of all the things he made.”  This is how much God loves and values you!”

[up]